Sanctuary of world’s noise
I expect the worst possibilities of life to lower my expectation of how it could goes.
In my last day of three-months holiday, I still trying to get a grasp on realities I’m living in right now. Almost everything changes in quite accelerated rate for the past six months. College life, friends, dream job (where I actually feel my ideas are appreciated), families, and especially, home.
The definition of home itselves has changed for me several times. It was family, it was friends, it was colleague, yet everything was external sources that I’m craving for. Even though I know that you can’t have your high hopes in any of them.
Today I realized that no one, should be your home except yourselves. Your mind, your peace of mind should be your place to retreat, sanctuary of all the world’s noise.
I learnt that the noise won’t stop, it just keeps getting bigger and bigger, –also expect more noisy worlds as you grow older. You can’t deal with all the sounds that coming to your head, so make yourself a comfort place, fortress, that its boundaries is the best that suit you. By now I speak like some preacher so I’m gonna stop here.
I also try to gain control of things I can control and only things that I can control. I realized that you can’t control and changes everything so I shift my focus and it works incredibly well to keep me sane these days.
Hence, I’m totally aware of how I choose and being picky of people surround myself and I’m more than grateful for the positive friends and environment and I have today. It’s coming from nights of thinking on how to letting people go, cutting of circles, and set my boundaries right.
For the next six months, I expect bigger wave coming as my ship explore the sea of life. I expect monster to splashing out their tails, squid or shark to coming around, or even cthulthu *what’s this* to show up and try to f*** the shit out of my life.
I expect the worst possibilities of life to lower my expectation of how life could goes. I’m ready to take punch, kick, jab, and block or even give back some of them. I expect myself to fight back, communicate thoughts and feelings clearly, and finally be more wiser as time goes.
So if anything ever happens, it’s gonna take a lot more to kill me. Lot more.
